Behind the Bit

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Introducing my sweater theory: And happy holidays! Posted: 23 Dec 2009 05:33 PM PST Here is an old family Christmas photo, circa 1964 (I'm guessing). I'm a red-clad chubby chunkster with low metabolism, while my skinny and hyperactive sister is the Hanover College fan. Grandma Kimmel got all of her children and their spouses identical sweaters that year (the ones my mom and dad are wearing). A good sweater is an inspired gift. My parents wore these sweaters for a long time, and then Les and I got our use out of them. I wore one of these sweaters through high school and college. The Sweater Theory Oh, yeah, the sweater theory. The sweater theory is: There are no unattractive men. There are just men who have not found the right sweater. Here's a story to prove it... When I was an undergrad, I worked with a grad student, Tim N., in the psychology dept at Purdue. He was tall and pear-shaped. He had an unfortunate haircut à la Pete Rose back in the day. His personality was nothing notable (to be fair, he was busy with his dissertation). We all went home for Christmas break. When I came back in January, I went to return an APA Manual he had loaned me. He was wearing a new sweater, almost certainly a Christmas gift. The soft, heavy knit, blue/brown, tweedy, soft, generously sized turtleneck would make women swoon sitting on a hanger. As I handed Tim the book, I admired the sweater, then looked at Tim. It struck me that Tim had really blue eyes, and a striking (if not handsome) broad face. Transfixed, I stood there until I realized he was staring at me staring at him. I glanced away, thanked him for loaning me the book, and left. Why was he suddenly so cute? I wondered later. It was the sweater. I ran into him again years later at an airport, He was wearing earth shoes and a t-shirt that made his arms look spindly. Spell broken. Never underestimate that transformative power of a good sweater.

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